While googling myself this evening, as I do sometimes, I stumbled across a shocking discovery– enough to make my hair stand on end:
Not one, but THREE….tiny giraffes.
According to the website, these creatures enjoy a pampered lifestyle not unlike my own: constant hugs and kisses. Check. Bubble baths in purified water. Check! They’re essential for optimal giraffe happiness and most refreshing post-workout!
Elation and curiosity took over, followed a whirlwind of questions. Could we be related? Could the Sokoblovsky giraffes be key to my lineage; the missing link to my past? I’ve been combing the family records lately for clues that might lead to our origins. Although information exists, it is limited. Mother’s side is rumored to have their roots in show business, performing in traveling circuses for generations. We know for sure that my mother’s great grandmother, Iris, was one of the most renowned trapeeze artists of her day!
Certainly explains my flare for the dramatic. Wait– Didn’t this giraffe, “Alex”, escape the circus? Their photo appears more contemporary than ours, but that’s probably due to the fact we left the family trade after great great grandmother married into money. Who’s to say others didn’t continue tradition? Looks like I may be getting closer!
I decided to probe further into the annals of the Internet to see if I could find more information about the Sokoblovsky giraffes. Much to my dismay, slanders claiming them to be “fake” and “just a computer trick” filled the blogs and forums. I was in an existential crisis of epic proportion. Am I just a product of computer magic? No. Of course I’m REAL. I have a Facebook, a Twitter, and a blog! After all, I’m sitting here talking to you, dear reader, and can attest that I am, in fact, very real.
Besides, if they can successfully breed a orange with a grapefruit these days, it’s not so unlikely for the miracles of nature and science to have created Moi.
Ugh. I need a hug and a bubble bath. And a box of macaroons.